“Hell is paved with good intentions”. This is my grandmother’s favorite expression. Younger, I often repeated this sentence without ever understanding the meaning. But growing up, I widened my circle of friends, I learned to analyze the people around me (too nice and too bad), and I understood.
This expression of 1820 means that even the best intentions can lead to the worst results.
Here is a top 3 behavior to banish/avoid/ban, because even if they give you the impression of being too nice, they harm you socially. Learn how to be the King of Cons.
1. Stop apologizing every 35 seconds
Let it be said: to apologize when one is wrong, that’s good. But to apologize for existing is boring.
Concrete example: last week I found friends, and among them there was Victor. Victor is super cool but his bad habit is to apologize every 30 seconds.
Most of his sentences begin with “sorry ah” or “excuse me but …”.
Victor is the kind of person who apologizes to the big idiot who jostles him on the subway, he apologizes even when he speaks to you. Soon Victor will apologize for the war in Syria, famine in Africa, and bad weather. In short, it’s unbearable.
If Victor is so sorry, it is simply because he is always afraid to disturb, afraid of being too much. And he is sorely lacking in self-confidence.
I’m not saying that you have to become a snobbish and pretentious jerk who never apologizes, but really there is a happy medium.
Stop positioning yourself as a victim. Inflate the torso and put yourself into the skull that by apologizing for everything and anything, you do not attract benevolence around you because you put yourself in the low position.
Your most caring friends will want to shake you, others will take advantage of your weakness (because you are too nice).
2. Stop bending to 4 for others
You say yes to everything by automatism because you can not stand the thought of hurting your loved ones? Another behavior that starts from a good intention, but that can quickly harm you.
First, know that if you are not able to say no, it is because you give greater importance to the desires of others than yours.
Concrete example: your friends have a sudden desire to party. You are the one who has the closest apartment to the city center.
In the early evening, they call you to ask if they can come to dinner at home before going out. Of course, you are too nice and you could not say no: you have to go shopping, cook, tidy your apartment, set the table …
You would have preferred a quiet evening in front of friends, or finish working on a boring file … But once again, you said yes too quickly, without thinking, or thinking about yourself … And again, you’re jaded because you did not know how to listen to your real desires or needs.
Tip: If a friend calls you to ask you something, instead of saying yes right away, tell him you’ll call him back in a few minutes.
Hang up and take 5 minutes of reflection. Evaluate all your efforts, ask yourself if they are compatible with your schedule, your needs, and even your mood.
If you feel bad about saying no, it’s probably because you do not handle your empathy well. This other article will help you: Too much empathy? Live your empathy without suffering.
These 5 minutes are really precious, they will allow you to finally be master of your decisions.
3. Stop wanting to help at all costs (when you have not been asked for anything)
Really, stop. You are not a superhero, so stop believing in your super powers. Put away that misplaced ego.
Concrete example: One of your friends is stressed because he lost his apartment keys. Naturally (and as you are too kind) you give him all your tricks to open a door without calling a locksmith – to help him, but also to foam your ego (“Hey look I know a lot of stuff that can you save the life !”)
Well, once you’re fine, but if you take yourself for a locksmith, a plumber, a hairdresser, an electrician, believing you know everything about everything and save the planet thanks to your knowledge; you risk making enemies.
In short, stop believing yourself so indispensable and do not bring it back if you have not been asked. Remember, the world is going very well without you and people will know if they need you, and your help will be appreciated.
In short: really, stop being too nice …
You are certainly too benevolent, too kind, always wanting to worry about others … And you think well. But making yourself too available to others can sometimes trick you: either annoy your friends or attract profiteers, or stop you from doing what you want.
So think of yourself first before you want to take care of others. And when you are really available and in accordance with your decisions, you’ll realize that you will be more pleased to serve around you.