Today, I push the nail! I had already talked about it in the article – “6 mistakes made by the bad manipulators …. and that you may be committing!” But I think it’s time to insist.
Remember error number 5: “being yourself when you manipulate someone” People who want to influence their surroundings are not themselves.
Let’s make a simple analogy. A computer salesman at Fnac is not himself: he sells products that he has probably never used and that he may not even like. But if he stayed, he would not sell anything. Whenever he goes to work, he dresses in a suit: that of the salesman who believes in him and in what he sells.
Trust is almost everything: a seller who has no confidence in him or his products is a very bad seller. To be effective, it is sometimes necessary to accept not being oneself.
What is the relationship with manipulation …?
If you do not see where I am coming from, do not worry, it’s very simple. The seller is boosted by the trust he gives to his products. If he loves the products he sells, it will be effective (principle of Apple Stores and employees dedicated to Apple). Otherwise, he will have to convince himself that his products are indeed excellent. There are often sellers who do too much, who use clichéd commercial jargon. These sellers do not trust their products, play a role … and play it badly.
A manipulator must be convinced of his superiority over his interlocutor. If you want to manipulate someone but your knees are shaking when you’re in front of him … it’s not even worth thinking about! Everything is a problem of trust.
How to boost your confidence?
This is a problem that everyone faces one day or another. Of course, you surely know people who have absolutely frustrating overconfidence. In general, they are called “pretentious” When this excess of confidence is mixed with a zest of aggressiveness, it is called arrogance.
To manipulate someone is to exert a force of influence. One is influential when one has the upper hand over the other person; For example in a relationship “leader -> employee” based on hierarchy, in a relationship “parent -> child” based on age and experience or in an influencer -> influenced relationship ” based on a confidence gap ; which usually turns the influencer into a charismatic person. Confident people are often charismatic, and vice-versa.
Trust is the consequence of a fact. Examples:
“Today, I am very well dressed, I love my new clothes, I find myself beautiful SO I have confidence in myself.”
“I’m sure I’m going to say, this person in front of me looks stalled but she’s not necessarily right SO I’m confident in myself.”
“I was chosen to lead this meeting, it means that people believe in me and think that I’m doing a good job. They expect a quality presentation SO I have confidence in myself.
To have confidence in yourself, just find a fact implicator of confidence and focus on it. The mistake is to say to yourself:
“I’m smarter than everyone else. This guy looks stupid so I have confidence in myself.”
From this perspective, you lose a key notion: the notion of respect. Overconfidence does not mean a lack of respect! This is what will differentiate you from pretentious arrogant.
In my book, I explain in two or three chapters how to take control and how to dare to discuss with strangers. The fact implying trust is simple:
“I am a manipulator, I know a lot about human relations, my interlocutor probably knows less than me. I’m going to talk to him because I want to train and progress but not to flirt or to annoy him so I have confidence in myself. “
Before manipulating someone, before speaking in public, before approaching a stranger, before going to talk to your boss, before confessing something to your wife or husband: JUSTIFY YOUR CONFIDENCE.
You will not necessarily be yourself, you may invoke reasons that seem a little pretentious, perhaps illegitimate … but too bad. Forge this character for sure and use it wisely.
Alongside this strength of personal conviction, there are external signs of confidence: the smile, the vivacity of movement, the shape of your back (very straight!). Before working on the physical aspect, already build solid moral foundations.